This week, I was contacted by three different men who needed some relationship advice. That’s funny to me because I don’t profess to be an expert in the area. I do believe that I have a wonderful marriage. Yet, like any other truthful couple, we admit that our marriage has opportunities for growth as well. I get it, though. My wife and I just celebrated 12 years of marital bliss. One of the guys who contacted me is engaged to be married. The other two are married, but neither have been married over three years. All three conversations have led me to seriously pray for these young men because “’til death do us part” is a long time to have to deal with some of the things we discussed. Although I am not a relationship expert, brothaonline.com has become my outlet to share many of the things I have learned since I’ve been married. My prayer is that the things I share will bless everyone who reads. Today is no different. Allow me to share three of the things that I think will make for a miserable marriage. Try your best to avoid these three women. Dating/Engaged men, if she consistently shows you these things and you see no signs of improvement over an extended period of time, enter into a marriage at your own risk. Married men, if these things describe your wife, all I can say is that I’m praying for you.
You’re Walking on Egg Shells
This idiom simply means to be overly careful in dealing with a person because he/she is known to be easily offended or angered. If you always think, “I can’t say/do that. She’s going to have an attitude,” you’re in a dangerous relationship.
Example: John and April have been married for one year. Early in their marriage, John’s friends asked him to come over to play cards. John mentioned it to April and she said she was perfectly fine with him spending a few hours with the fellas. However, when John returned home, April gave John the cold shoulder. She was upset because she didn’t really want him to go. She was hoping that he would choose to stay with her instead of leaving to play cards. Since he didn’t, she had an attitude from the time he left and was determined to make sure he knew it. Now, it has been a few months since John has done anything with his friends. Recently, they reached out to him to see if he would join them to watch game 7 of the NBA finals. John really wanted to go, but he was walking on eggshells about even mentioning it to April because he didn’t want to upset her. Instead of saying something to April, he simply told his friends that he’d try to catch them next time.
It is recommended in a marriage that we be considerate of our spouse’s feelings. However, if you are being controlled by your spouse’s reactivity, you are not only being considerate of her feelings, you are disregarding your own. That’s a dangerous relationship.
She’s the Flaw Police
I’m working on developing the supervision habit of highlighting three positive things for every negative thing I identify in those I lead. I don’t ever want to mention the things to work on without mentioning the things that have been done well. Likewise, in relationships, it is easy to bring up the things that get on your nerves while taking for granted the things your mate does well. We all know that we have flaws. We all know that we need improvement in certain areas of our lives. If your woman’s sole purpose in life is to point out your flaws, don’t marry her. If you’re already married, please let her know how you feel. Once again, “’til death do us part” is a long time to be miserable.
She is Insecure
Brothas, let me start off by saying many of us have been the reason why our women are insecure. We have done things that prove we can’t be trusted. We have gotten caught in compromising positions. If you are one who is humble enough to admit that you fit into this category, you’re going to have to just deal with her insecurities and work hard to prove yourself and earn her trust. Point Blank!
For those who have not given your woman any reasons to be insecure, you have a different issue. Example: You are on a date. Your waitress, Monica is a very attractive young lady. She smiles as she approaches you and takes your order. Your woman didn’t even notice that Monica smiled at her also. All she noticed was that this attractive woman smiled at you and she didn’t like it. If you have to avoid making eye contact with any attractive woman, you may as well die now. That’s impossible. They’re EVERYWHERE! Your woman’s either going to have to get over her insecurities or you’re going to have to bounce if you want to enjoy your life.
Romel Gibson is a youth and college pastor, mentor, community leader, motivational speaker, musician, and songwriter living in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. He serves as a full- time Campus Life Director with Youth for Christ, one of the largest non-profit youth evangelism ministries in the world. As a songwriter, his most notable works include L. Spenser Smith and Testament (Greater, Surgery), Tonya Baker (Miracles), The Anointed Pace Sisters (Praise and Worship), Myron Butler (Changed), Marvin Sapp (Never), Ruben Studdard (Holding On To You Lord), and Johnny Gill (Black Box).Romel has been married for 12 years to his college best friend Quanedra. Together they have been blessed with three beautiful daughters; Allayna Pilar, Moriah Kelis, and Rylee Addison.
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