One of my friends posted something on Facebook that I told him I had to write about. His status said this: Happily married men, don’t fall for it. The “other woman” is only attracted to you because of the joy and confidence created by your wife.” The more I thought about this, the more I agreed with it. I’ll take it a step further and say that it’s not just toward married men though. It’s not just toward men. Men and women who are in happy, committed relationships are more attractive to some. However, for all intents and purposes of our reader audience, we’ll stick with men. She wants you even though you’re married. Why? That’s the magic question. I have some thought provoking answers.
She Has Low Standards
I don’t care how high a woman says her standards are, if she knows you’re married or in a committed relationship and she’s trying to be “the other woman,” she has low standards. She obviously doesn’t have respect for the sanctity of marriage. Neither does she care about you or even herself.
She Has Low Self-Esteem
There is no greater self-esteem booster than to know that you snagged someone who is supposedly taken right? Wrong! However, that’s the twisted mindset that some have. If she can snag you from your wife/fiancé/girlfriend, she has more to offer than your wife does. She’s hotter. She has something that your wife doesn’t. Once she has won you, she’s on to the next one because it was never really about you. It was about getting that self-esteem boost.
She Wants Excitement
If you are dumb enough to fall for her, you’ll have to be creative enough to not get caught. That forced creativity will cause you to set up meetings in remote places. You have to meet at varying times and create an untraceable pattern to make sure you don’t get caught. Be honest! Being sneaky has its fun factors. That is why people love to throw surprise parties. Sneaking around the honoree to plan and prepare is exciting. Likewise, sneaking to be with a person who is already spoken for can come with a level of excitement. Don’t fall for it! She doesn’t want you for real. She just wants some excitement in her life.
She Fears Commitment
Don’t let society fool you. All women didn’t spend their childhood planning weddings and coming up with baby names. Men are not the only ones who fear commitment. There are plenty of women who do too. If you’re already married, she knows you can’t marry her. Likewise, you can’t place demands on her that you would place on your wife. She can come and go as she pleases and for some women, that option is attractive.
She wants a happy, successful, committed marriage. She’s just not willing to put in the time, energy, emotion, and resources that is required to build one. Your wife has spent time loving the insecurities out of you. She has given you a confidence you didn’t have before her. You’re happy! This single woman sees that and now desires a house she didn’t build.
Awhile back, I wrote about the shortage of black men in the church. This time, let’s be honest. There is a surplus of single women in the church. The numbers of thirty-something year old, single women are increasing. This is not just a church thing though. There are more single women now than there has ever been. Some develop this “I’ll take what I can get” mentality. Don’t let the man be a good husband and father. If the single woman is a single mom, the married man/father just became more attractive. As we age, our non-negotiable list changes. Sadly, whether or not he’s married becomes less important.
Perhaps, she is physically attracted to you and she wants what she wants. Lust will make you do stupid stuff like disregard marriage.
Listen brotha! DO NOT; (I repeat) DO NOT be deceived. If you have a great woman and your relationship is happy, avoid any woman who you even remotely sense could be plotting to mess it up. If you are married, even if you’re not happy, you are obligated to be faithful to God by remaining faithful to your wife. After all, this other woman doesn’t really want you. She’s just dealing with at least one of these seven issues.
Romel Gibson is a youth and college pastor, mentor, community leader, motivational speaker, musician, and songwriter living in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. He serves as a full- time Campus Life Director with Youth for Christ, one of the largest non-profit youth evangelism ministries in the world. As a songwriter, his most notable works include L. Spenser Smith and Testament (Greater, Surgery), Tonya Baker (Miracles), The Anointed Pace Sisters (Praise and Worship), Myron Butler (Changed), Marvin Sapp (Never), Ruben Studdard (Holding On To You Lord), and Johnny Gill (Black Box).Romel has been married for 12 years to his college best friend Quanedra. Together they have been blessed with three beautiful daughters; Allayna Pilar, Moriah Kelis, and Rylee Addison.