Have you ever seen a scrub holding hands with one of the most beautiful women you’ve ever seen and wondered, “How in the world did he pull her?” If you’d be honest, you’ve said to yourself, “He must have money” or “She’s turned on by the bad boy personality.” Although those things could be true, let’s be honest. The scenario of the dime piece woman and the penny male is very common. One of the reasons for that is because there are more single sistas than there are single brothas. Black men are incarcerated in high numbers. Be it over poor health or violence, black men are in the grave in high numbers. Out of the single black men who happen to still be alive and free, a high percentage of them are looking for a man too. That was not a low blow to the homosexual community. It was a true statement to drive home the fact that the pool that women have to choose from has downsized tremendously.
There’s the ever popular statistic made famous by Yale University from research that suggested that only 42% of black women are married. However, researchers from Howard University and Morehouse College have discovered that the 42% includes all black women 18 and older. The problem here is that we are counting age groups that we don’t really expect to be married. These researchers decided to raise the age group. They found that 75% of black women marry before they are 35. 70% of black women who are college graduates are married by age 40. So, although there isn’t a high number of black men to choose from, black women still end up married. It just happens at a later age for many. We all know that the older one gets, the things they thought they wanted vs. the things they know they need change. This means that by the time most black women are getting married these days, their standards have changed. Hence, the not so attractive dude is dating or married to the model.
I had a conversation with saved and single, black sistas this week who sited the things they wish to find in their mate. I don’t have the time or space to break down our entire conversation. However, brothas, since I know you’re reading, perhaps sharing some of what was said can help you make sure you are who they are looking for.
Are You in Love with Jesus?
I don’t just mean that you have to believe in God. Most religions have a “god” that they believe in. What separates the Christian from other religions is the Christ we believe in and live for. Christian sistas want to be spiritually covered by their men. They don’t want to be the spiritual leaders of their households. They want to feel secure in knowing that their man knows the Lord, he knows the Word, and he can cover them in prayer. They want him to be faithful to God. That way, there’s a higher chance (at least there should be) that he’ll be faithful to his woman also.
Will You Work?
Young women may buy you the video game and play with you. The older they get, that gaming addiction becomes more and more unattractive unless you are the one who created the game. In that case, make that money.
Women who have multiple degrees, are successful in their careers, and have everything they want materially still need a man who will work. There is something about a man with “work ethic” that is attractive to them. There is something about the security in knowing that regardless of life’s circumstances, you will work and work hard.
Can You Make Her Laugh?
This is no secret, but our conversation was a reminder that a good sense of humor is one of the things women look for the most. This is especially true the older they get. Life has a way of throwing curve balls. Difficulties are inevitable. A person who can find the humor in just about anything is a person you can do life with. Proverbs 17:22 tells us that a cheerful heart (laughter) is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. The ability to laugh extends your life. We want “til death do us part” to be a long way off. One way to assure that is to keep a cheerful heart.
Are You Confident?
I almost left this one off for the sake of time and space, but I believe this is a very important one. Some men simply lack confidence. The lack of confidence is usually very noticeable and even if you have exactly what the sista is looking for, you may miss out on getting her because you were too afraid to pursue her. Confidence is attractive. Arrogance is a turn-off. If you’re bold enough to show her that she’s who you want and confident enough to let her know that you believe you’re what she needs, you just may end up being what she wants.
Romel Gibson is a youth and college pastor, mentor, community leader, motivational speaker, musician, and songwriter living in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. He serves as a full- time Campus Life Director with Youth for Christ, one of the largest non-profit youth evangelism ministries in the world. As a songwriter, his most notable works include L. Spenser Smith and Testament (Greater, Surgery), Tonya Baker (Miracles), The Anointed Pace Sisters (Praise and Worship), Myron Butler (Changed), Marvin Sapp (Never), Ruben Studdard (Holding On To You Lord), and Johnny Gill (Black Box).Romel has been married for 12 years to his college best friend Quanedra. Together they have been blessed with three beautiful daughters; Allayna Pilar, Moriah Kelis, and Rylee Addison.