Classic movies and sitcoms are classic because they provided characters, scenes, and lines that we will never forget. I guarantee that if someone played Ray Charles’ “Night Time is the Right Time” right now, you would immediately think of The Cosby Show. You would picture everyone from Theo walking down the stairs to Rudy lip syncing, “Babaaaay!” Those of you who are old enough to remember Rog, Rerun, Dwayne, Dee, and Shirley can hear me say “Hey, hey, hey” and you’ll immediately reply with “What’s Happenin’?” I hear lines from “Coming to America” every day. I was in the barbershop and a guy told one of the barbers that men were waiting on him to resume cutting hair. He told the guy, “Let them wait! I’m talking my son.” The guy replied, “Yes Your Highness King Jaffe Joffer.” There are so many more shows with so many more memorable lines. Perhaps there is no greater scene and line than “How come he don’t want me man?” I didn’t say where this line comes from and I bet there are several of you who just felt a tad bit of emotion as you replayed Will Smith’s famous scene from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air in your minds. I know it’s grammatically incorrect. However, to make this scene as real as possible, he had to speak the way many of us do when we are caught up in the moment and not thinking about correct English, but rather speaking from the heart. Although Will has gone one to have a majorly successful movie career after that show, I don’t believe he has ever had a more believable scene than that one just mentioned.
Attempting to act as if the absence of his father didn’t bother him, Will eventually broke down to Uncle Phil and asked him why his father didn’t want him. This scene stands out to me because I hear variations of that question nearly every week. Just Monday night, a young man was telling me that he had been majorly depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts. He had been professionally, mentally examined. A multiplicity of issues were addressed. One of those issues was this young man’s desire to know why his dad doesn’t want him. Fathers, it is not enough to just handle your responsibilities. Your children know that many of you pay child support because it is court ordered. They know you spend time with them because having them every other weekend frees you from having to pay more child support than you already pay. Your children don’t want you to just do what you have to do. They want what you have to do to also be what you want to do. Since I spend time with teenagers seven days a week, allow me to reveal some of the effects of your detachment from them.
I have heard girls say, “I give it up because they make me feel wanted.” Dad, that’s your job!
Feelings of Rejection
I have heard grown men admit that the only reason why they allowed themselves to get caught up in sleeping with multiple women is because they tried to prove that they were “real men” to their dads. You see, we are all searching for the approval of our fathers. God knows this. This understanding is the catalyst behind the phrase, “This is my beloved son in whom I’m well pleased.” Without our fathers’ validation, we will fish for validation from any male leader who will give it. Validation empowers us. Rejection emasculates us and leaves us asking the question, “How come he don’t want me?”
There’s a whole lot more to say, but no more space to say it. Hit me up on facebook and add your two cents to this conversation.
Romel Gibson is a youth and college pastor, mentor, community leader, motivational speaker, musician, and songwriter living in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. He serves as a full- time Campus Life Director with Youth for Christ, one of the largest non-profit youth evangelism ministries in the world. As a songwriter, his most notable works include L. Spenser Smith and Testament (Greater, Surgery), Tonya Baker (Miracles), The Anointed Pace Sisters (Praise and Worship), Myron Butler (Changed), Marvin Sapp (Never), Ruben Studdard (Holding On To You Lord), and Johnny Gill (Black Box).Romel has been married for 12 years to his college best friend Quanedra. Together they have been blessed with three beautiful daughters; Allayna Pilar, Moriah Kelis, and Rylee Addison.