We spend a lot of time addressing the ever-present gasp of women racing against their bodies for relationships, marriage and children. However, let’s take an opportunity to view a very different life-perspective. Do men have biological clocks?
A man’s biological clock is a measure against his ability to play ball in the yard with his sons, his ability to retain cultural relevance with his children as they go through adolescence and his ability to maintain his household during his pre-AARP years. Do men have biological clocks?
The unfortunate result for many of these men is the unattractive aura they give off by wanting to accelerate relationships to the altar. I wish I had a dollar for each of the discussions I’ve held with women who were turned off by men who pressed too hard to make things work quickly. Although many desire to get married, women will forego proposal opportunities in situations where a man seems ‘thirsty’.
Let’s not take my biased view of the issue of male biological clocks. Below are some responses to a survey completed by Christian Singles Today: http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/2008/mind1105.html
The Need for Speed
When I was in my late 30s and early 40s, I thought I needed to hurry up and find somebody to marry so I could have kids before I got too old to raise them. This led me into several relationships that weren’t healthy. Now that I’m in my mid-40s, I’m not as interested in having children as in having a godly relationship with a woman. I now realize it takes time to get to know someone, and you shouldn’t rush the process. But it seems most of the women I’ve been dating just want to hurry up and get married.
I don’t think we men really have a biological clock relating to kids. Sometimes I wish I could have kids, but it isn’t something that hits me—it’s just a mild desire. And that desire doesn’t have to do with a time of the year or stage in life; it’s usually when I’ve been around some fun kids.
The Clock’s Stopped
As a 45-year-old never-married man, I feel like the biological clock has probably passed me by. I’ve felt the desire for kids in the past, but at this point, it’s not much of an issue for me. Even if I were to get married tomorrow, my children would be graduating from high school around the time I’ll be retiring, and that doesn’t seem quite fair to the kids.
I haven’t dated much in recent years, but I know what it’s like to be dating a woman with “ticking-clock syndrome.” It can be very uncomfortable for a guy, and can make you feel like your only importance to her is as a means to the end of motherhood. For some women, the biological clock undermines their ability to value a man for who he is, which is what most Christian guys want from a relationship.
Rights and Wrongs
I’m astounded at the expectant attitude of child-bearing in our kid-centric society. I believe that remaining childless is much more selfless and requires more mental energy. Most women think it’s their right—or a commandment from God—to have a child. But it isn’t a given that everyone is to procreate. There are far too many people having children who don’t possess the ability or finances to raise them.
Kenny Pugh is a Life & Relationship Strategist, Author of ‘Can You Do It Standing Up?’, Speaker, HLN Contributor, sought-after speaker on finances, singleness, relationships and life. He is also the visionary behind KTP Financial, LLC (www.ktpfinancial.com). You can find more information about Kenny at www.kennypugh.com. Also, follow him on Facebook at www.kennypughfanpage.com, on Twitter@mrkennypugh and on Instagram/YouTube at Kenny Pugh.